Ever notice how an animal stares down it's prey? Or how an interrogation officer looks you in the eye for weaknesses? In Germany this is common practice. Walking down the street you gather stares from people in their windows, people sitting at cafés, people walking the other direction. In many societies this is seen as offensive, rude, belligerent, defiant or even inhuman- but not in Germany. What are they staring at? Is something wrong with me? Do I stare back?Most stares coming your way are harmless, like someone watching a mildly interesting tv program. But sometimes they just grate at your soul and you are shocked into some sort of defensive reaction. Don't stare at me!
In this blog we will explore the many differences between Germans and the rest of the world. These subtle, strange differences don't show up in tour books or first encounters but they lie under the surface like an iceberg's jagged edges waiting to skewer the unsuspecting "Ausländer".
9 comments:
"In this Blog we are going to...." Hm.... that could have become an interesting social blog. Why did it die? Would have loved to find out more!
I really liked reading this blog.
I just recently moved to Germany in the Spring of 2009. First to Munich, where I found the Muncheners to be a little on the rude side and not helpful most of the time. You really have to ask for everything. Never assume.
So we just moved to Cologne Germany about a week and half ago and have experienced a warmer welcome from the Cologners. There is lots of culture here and there seems to be a big mix of other cultures here.
I do however noticed that the stares come mostly from Germans in the smaller villages, that don't get out much, I'm assuming. I find it annoying and rude, but I just shine it on and try to look fabulous.
Please continue with your blog. It's was touching on some interesting points from an expats point of view.
Maybe the Germans found him! I liked the blog too and was left wanting more as well. I live in a small town in the German Alps near Füssen, and Although I've been here 7 months, I haven't made any friends. I am seriously considering starting my own blog about this to explain the differences I've found... I'm from Texas, and I am starting to believe Texas is the friendliest place on earth. I'll start the blog and come back to let you guys know where to look...
I agree with the Lone G. I'm from Texas as well and can't help but notice that Germans stare their asses off at me when I walk down the street. My house is situated a block from my garage; so unfortunately, everyday I have to walk through the center of town to get to my house with every eye on me at once.
I've noticed Hungarians also will stare. You just get used to it.
(BTW: It's = it is, it has.)
I have read a lot of postings and comments in forums and blogs about this topic, and I conclude that it must be an Anglo-american cultural oddity. They teach their children that staring at people is extremely rude, so they become obsessed with avoiding to look at other people, and they feel uncomfortable or even get agressive when being looked at.
People of most cultures feel that the British/US manners are strange and artificial. Idle eyes have to look at something. And if there is a human nearby they automatically turn to it, because humans are the most important thing for humans. Desperatly trying to avoid doing so is against the nature and appears somehow creepy, or it might even be considered impolite to treat other people as if they don't exist.
I believe this German / Chinese / Swedish / Hungarian / whatever stare only exists in the minds of Anglo-americans.
But anyway, all eyes are fixed on smartphones now :-)
I can't agree with you on that. There's one thing to "look" and another to "stare" and be fixed on a person. It makes people feel uncomfortable and even self conscious. I think the ones that stare are so self absorbed that they look without thinking about how that makes others feel. Unless you're a narcissist or a celebrity, most people, I believe, don't think "Staring" is socially appropriate.
April, it is a matter of definition.
"Look" is neutral, "stare" is negative. It all depends on where you draw the line between the two. In one culture a given behaviour might be more on the "stare" (rude, inappropriate) side, while the same behaviour in another culture is just "look" (acceptable, makes not feel uncomfortable).
In the second culture people might only feel uncomfortable, if the other person stares at them, for example, from less than 1 meter distance straight in the eyes.
I can't tell how annoying staring people are. First, you feel insecure, then you understand that they are actually intruding your privacy, and then you feel the need to do something about it - after more than 3 years in Germany I have become so aggressive because of these constant looks, so I look back meaning I would kill these stupid starers unless they take their eyes off me. This is stupid, why do starers need 5-10 minutes to "study" a person? One can "study" a picture, an object, or even an animal, but "studying" another person is derogatory and humiliating. Also I don't think it is limited to Anglo-American understanding of sociality, I myself look Turkic or even Arabic, and I find these looks especially annoying. These looks seem either to mean: "Oh, yet another refugee has come to us and she is going to take OUR money", or they look as if I was part of terrorist organization, or they look as if I could be an oppressed woman from Syria. I hate those who stare, and I don't think I will ever make friends with those who choose to stare at me.
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